Hi Reader,

2023 is off to a cold and rainy start here.

After an unexpectedly extended holiday break and few bumps in the road (literally), I've needed a lot of reminders of what I talk about here:

1. Get outside as much as possible.
2. Incorporate play into the tough stuff.
3. My reaction to their behavior has more to do with my mood/ stress level/ physical health than their behavior.
4. Reset and forgive.
5. Breathe.
6. Accept help when it is offered.

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The short version: (sent on the sacred mom text chain): "My current sh*t show...." followed by "Then my kids turned into f*cking chimpanzees," and ended with, "I'm teaching my kids about making lemonade." I tend to swear when I am stressed.

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The long version: When I drive back and forth between Northern California and Southern California with the kids and without my husband, we usually stop halfway. On Monday night, we planned to stay in Paso Robles at this darling little inn with wine tasting within walking distance, followed by a quick hike in Santa Barbara and then home. I was really looking forward to it. And my kids love a hotel and could not wait.

This trip, we stopped a few times before the overnight stop (thankfully!), so we were on a city street instead of the freeway when I heard a pop. RPMs went to zero and I pulled over in AAA Piano Mover's parking lot (hi Steve! Thanks for the help!).

After the first tow truck driver didn't even pull into the parking lot before leaving, I called triple A a second time. They told me that they weren't sending out any more tow trucks for the day. None. They'd be happy to call the police for us though, if it were life and death.

Cold, rainy, and boring, but not life or death. So, no police. Just a lot of phone calls to every tow service in Northern California (or at least that's what it felt like).

After the 18375th "We are NEVVVVVVEEERRRR getting out of this parking lot!" I lost it. I completely snapped at my 6 year old, not at all recognizing my own stress level caused my annoyance and failing completely to recognize how stressful this was for the two of them. See note number 3 👆🏼.

After quite a few calls and two and a half hours, I talked to a wonderful woman who made me laugh when I so desperately needed a little lightness (👆🏼 note number 2). My brother picked up my kids (thank goodness he lives nearby), a sweet tow truck driver finally came, and I dropped the car off at the dealership.

When I got to my brother's (a tiny, completely child-unfriendly, urban apartment), the kids were fed and watching TV.

Then, the destruction began. In less than 36 hours, they spilled red wine on the carpet three times, a flower pot, OJ, and paint. They knocked over two vases and the water and lillies. My three year old fell into and broke a basket. This doesn't even include what happened in restaurants.

It was a wild ride.

The next morning, while we waited for the diagnostic on the car, I decided we needed an adventure (see note numbers 1 and 2 👆🏼). We were tourists for the day. We rode BART, went to a few wonderful restaurants, walked all around Berkeley and Oakland, visited a few of my favorite spots.

Then back to my mom's in my rad rental minivan when we discovered the car isn't fixable (or at least not for a reasonable price) to wait out the cyclone storm raging here in Northern California. On the way, there was so much rain and even more screaming and I lost it. I yelled. And yelled. And yelled again. Once we got there, I threatened. I bribed. I cried. More than once.

And then I felt incredibly guilty. For days. I knew that the yelling and snapping was because of my stress and worry. But even as I was acknowledging it, I continued.

I reminded myself to breathe (and keep breathing), I apologized and then forgave myself (after a fair bit of internal struggle).

And then we continued to play.

Why do I tell you all this? Well, because I have always used this space to work on myself, to work out some of the things I'm struggling with. This week reminded me that I must make room for my healthy habits (like breathwork) during the holidays, when our schedule is off, in times of stress and overwhelm.

It also reminded me that we can (and need to) find ways to play and seek out joy when the road is rough (literally and figuratively). It is sometimes difficult to get past the anxiety, anger, annoyance, worry, etc. when things don't go as planned. But for our little ones (and probably more importantly, ourselves) we need to find ways.

Fortunately for us, I have a supportive family to pick us up and let us stay a little longer and a best friend who is always up for a pep talk and adventure. Unfortunately for us, I am often too stubborn to accept the help offered. Ugh. (Note 6 👆🏼). But, this time I did, and my best friend cheered me up, offered adventure, and comes with my kids' favorite kids.

Silver linings, lemonade, a positive attitude... none of these come natural or easy to me. But, my little ones have motivated me to embrace them and move into this mindset. Some days are harder than others but it is always worth it.

​

PS if you want to see a few pics of our adventure, take a look at my Instagram reel.

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